Score: 10

"La folie! Purement hystérique!"

submission: Telefrancais collab

date: August 19, 2009

If it wasn't for the fact that I distinctly remember being perfectly lucid at the time I started watching this, I'd be totally certain that what I just saw was a drug-induced hallucination. Which gives one a fairly good idea of where the show's creators get their ideas. That being said, this was one of the most hilarious things I've seen in a while. Everything was outrageous and poured insaninanity out in buckets. And the bit with adding additional jokes in the subtitles? Comedic genius. That, and the scrapbook comments. Brilliant!

Score: 10

"And... there goes my spine."

submission: Vorago

date: August 3, 2009

I've done some pretty stupid things when it comes to horror games/movies.
I've watched Event Horizon and John Carpenter movies alone and in the dark.
I've tried to play Dead Space in a dark room in the middle of the night.
And now I've played this game at 12:30 at night with my computer screen being the sole source of light.
And, while I certainly don't regret any of these decisions, they've all caused, or will be causing me, to lose sleep because they've all scared me witless to some degree or another.
When you get right down to it, parts of the Bible are freakin' scary. I mean, it's one thing to just read about "beasts that walk as locusts... with the face of men". It's another thing entirely to see such a monstrosity let upon the world. That's when you get the urge to go hide under the bed.

But yeah, the influence that "The Mist" had on this game was visible. And the entire thing was pretty scary. Not to mention incredibly bleak near the end, which was actually something of a welcome change instead of the usual sunny-side-up crap that most games and movies choose to end on. Rather refreshing, albeit a little depressing. But good, nonetheless.

Score: 10

"LOL."

submission: TF: Revenge of the Lolin'

date: July 11, 2009

Yeah. This is pretty much what you'd get if you took RotF and got rid of the excessive comic relief, the nonsense characters that contribute nothing to the story, the massive and utterly insane levels of bullshit in the plot, and the incomprehensible raging stupidity that marks just about every scene. In other words, this is what you would get if you trimmed it down to a REASONABLE time frame and made it funny. Simply put, it is everything a Micky Bay movie isn't- entertaining and humorous. And even though it was about 100 times shorter than the movie, this actually made more sense.

In the end, I'd say that this submission is roughly 50x superior to the movie it parodies. Well done.

Score: 0

"In a word, crap."

submission: Deborah Walks It Out

date: July 7, 2009

I could say that this submission is a complete waste of time and valuable processor space, but really, that's being redundant. Even a monkey could easily see that this work of stupidity is pointless just by looking at it. All it is is a constantly repeating 5-second animation of a static image rolling by on the screen while some badly-edited music clip repeats itself in its Christless static tone until you finally snap out of your initial stupor long enough to close the damn thing. It's like some kind of ugly-looking slime you scrape off of your shoe after not paying attention to where you're walking on your way to the metro station. It is crap, plain and simple- worthy of neither pity nor mercy, and meriting only a clean and simple disposal at the earliest opprotunity.

Here's some advice: the next time you choose to submit something to the Portal, try putting some goddamn work into what you create, instead of just spewing your standard garbage and unlikability into our collective faces.

Score: 10

"Wow."

submission: Gravitaxis ++

date: June 14, 2009

The entire thing seemed... unreal. It seemed to be both tense and yet serenely calm at the same time, like something you would expierience while actually skydiving. It was also very unique in the idea of seeing everything in reverse, so that while watching, you're wondering what's going to happen next... even though strictly speaking, it's already happened. I think that structure added to the overall "hallucinogenic" feel of the film. Made it seem very out-of-mind-and-body. Very nice, overall.

Score: 10

"Umm..."

submission: Junior

date: June 14, 2009

I'll admit, it was a little strange to hear any characters stringing together sentences that actually consisted of more than two syllables at a go. A bit of an odd departure from the established norm concerning this... series. Still, it did deliver in terms of showing us all the mediocrity of life and how, in the end, everything just sort of repeats itself ad infinitum until we die and go to hell. And, of course, how everything ties together on some level of another.
That, and proving the age-old knowledge that your parents' mistakes are your get-out-of-jail-free card.
And that your closet is evil. EVIL.
It was interesting.

Score: 9

"Insaninanity."

submission: Crazy-Ass Renaldo Rangers

date: May 28, 2009

Question: What is the derivative of insane inanity?
Answer: Insaninanity. (TM)

Amazingly enough, I somehow managed to miss this one when it was originally submitted (proving that my attention span is indeed nonexistant). Thankfully, this was a problem that proved easy to fix.

Well, it was indeed super crazy-ass. You're talking about a film based on a silly joke that was made by an Inept Henchman in a parody send-up of a 90s Saturday Morning show. Ladies and gentlemen, it does not get any more outright inconcievable than that. But it was funny. Particularly the bit how the breakfast characters were serving the evil Sun Overlord. Why is breakfast served early in the morning? Because the Sun Overlord wishes you to be reminded of his sovreign rule over Earth right from the start of each day. Genius.

And I didn't really notice any flaws in animation.
Skillful Art of a Practiced Master?
OR
Painfully Small Attention Span? YOU DECIDE!

Score: 10

"Anticipation-inducing, to say the least."

submission: Battalion: Skirmish

date: May 23, 2009

Being a huge fan of the original Battalion, I couldn't wait to get my hands on the sequel upon finishing Nemesis. This little demo of the upcoming game has only cemented my desire to once more soldier into battle.

I found several gameplay elements to be a major improvement upon the original. First and foremost would be the warning indicators telling me my units were in range of enemy attacks, which proved to be vital to conserving my forces. Also interesting was the noted addition of a sort of "Good/Bad Against" monitor during unit construction, which will undoubtedly prove usefull in the full game for building an offensive team to match the opponent's defenses. And, of course, the improved graphics are not only noticable, but very eye-pleasing and well made. Camera movement across the playing field has also been greatly improved.

If I had to point out one small problem, it would be in the area of actual combat. I found that the large effective/ineffective symbols from the last game that helped me to choose my stategems have been replaced by much smaller ones that now sit in the corner of the enemy unit squares on the board. While it is obvious that this change was made to save on space, I found it slightly hard to see whether my attacks would be effective or not, due to the reduced size of the symbols. Although the color coding remained the same, I still found myself wishing for slightly larger indicators.

All in all, this example of things to come has left me eagerly awaiting the upcoming release of the next chapter in the Battalion series.

Score: 9

"Uh..."

submission: There Was This One Time

date: May 1, 2009

I've got nothing to say here. There are literally no words to accurately describe this insane animation. It's a film of a rhinocerous, a bat, and a ferret playing cards, for Christ's sake. That description pretty aptly sums it up. Oh, it looks snazzy, and it was pretty humorous. But no words can summize it any better than just repeating the premise. It's that bizarre and generally wierd. Final Verdict: Funny, yet outrageous. It's... it's something, alright.

Score: 10

"Hoo-ah!"

submission: Sonny 2

date: April 21, 2009

Dude, awesome! The expansion of mechanics from the first Sonny is apparent from the very start, with classes that actually come with a noticable difference in terms of abilities instead of just starter attributes. There's now a class for everybody, whether your niche be dealing direct damage, or opening up the opprotunity for allies to finish what you start. The world itself is now even bigger than before, and the enemies are just as unique.
I'd also like to say that it was well worth the wait for this transition from Armor Games to Newgrounds. The game runs a bit faster now, and the addition of achievements is a nice touch. All in all, totally awesome.
Now to go play the original Sonny to catch up, and then go straight into Sonny 2 for even more PWN.